I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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