Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
