I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
