conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
