The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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