i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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