I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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