My hand turned me down
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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