The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
