As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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