...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
