Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
