After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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