so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
