I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
