Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
