I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
