shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
