Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
