Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
