OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
