I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
