I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize