Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I just put wine in my tea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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