Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
