This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
