Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
