I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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