And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
