She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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