WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
