He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
