I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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