i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
