I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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