Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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