he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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