My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
