all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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