Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
