Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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