So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
