every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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