A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
