Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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