So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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