my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
