I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
