When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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