2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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