are you still at the devil's house?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
