Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
