I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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