if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
