Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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