No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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