Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
