My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
