Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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