oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
