Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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