so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
NoShamevember. You game?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize