You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
