pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
