note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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