youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
