Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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