Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
is it fun? or sober?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
