...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize