just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
