So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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