I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
