I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
