HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
