then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
