did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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