I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
