I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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