decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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