3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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