So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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