Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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