FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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