I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
