I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize