the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
