when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
