dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its liver damage thursday
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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