it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
