just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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