thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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