just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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