I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
