It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
