you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You are the jesus of drinking
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize