Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
