so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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