I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
