Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
