White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
