rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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