6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
