whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
