I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
