i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize