Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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