we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
